im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
