Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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