Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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