As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
