yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
