Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
