i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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