She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
