you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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