so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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