I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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