i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
