he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
