Cold hands, warm shart.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
