it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
