i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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