Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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