That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
