the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
