I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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