We're like a lot better than the average bears
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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