You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
