I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
a search helicopter?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
