i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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