Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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