...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
