I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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