actually, I'm a sock model
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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