Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
