This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
