I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
