At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
