i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
