hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
