When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
