I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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