I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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