It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
