I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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