My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Floor bacon is actually really good
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
