Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize