I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
