Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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