dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
