i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
