I want to make a zoo with you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
