She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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