Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize