why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
