I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
