I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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