Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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