i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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