I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
