I wish i was in the wii world.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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