Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
