JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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