i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize