i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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