How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
