I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
