Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She tied me up with her honor cords...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
