those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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