halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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