I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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