Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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