Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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