Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
