Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
