a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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